Recently, a new client came to me with a common communication challenge: he had to deliver bad news, and was nervous about the outcome. As the head of human resources for a large company, Ahmed* was tasked with visiting a regional branch to inform all employees of its closure and their resulting unemployment.
Together we wrote a speech, along with a collection of useful messages for Q&A and a public notice, and we discussed how staff and stakeholders could be approached to maximize respect and compassion, and to minimize vulnerability, defensiveness and hardship.
Ahmed agreed to let me share our strategy to deliver bad news:
Put yourself in the recipient's position
Before planning what you are going to say, it is important to recognize the hardship you are inflicting, to be truly empathetic. This consideration led us, for example, to speak to managers in private before addressing the rest of the staff, because managers had more to lose, and would appreciate being more informed, respected and less vulnerable when their subordinates found out and came to them for answers. We also thought about what all the recipients’ most likely concerns would be, and made sure to prepare for them by organizing severance packages and shutdown procedures.
Set the right tone
When it comes time to speak up, make sure to set a softer tone that is calm, clear, honest, open and compassionate. Acknowledge that the situation must be hard for the receiver, and create a safe space for them to react naturally. Before communicating, it helps to first settle your mind through whatever activity brings you peace (listening to music, sports, exercise, etc.). Then remember to take a couple of deep breaths throughout the process, whenever things get heated, to encourage your own listening and patience, and reduce your hostility or nerves. I was lucky to find out that Ahmed had recently learned how to meditate, so I suggested that he practice meditation for half an hour before delivering the bad news.
Address the matter head on
People appreciate when you don’t beat around the bush, so you’re going to have to be direct. Tell the person what you need to tell them, straight. Then provide some context to answer any questions they are likely to have bouncing around their head, like: why? And what next? During Ahmed’s speech, I recommended that he pause before and after the most important parts, in order to give the audience time to digest the information (this is particularly important when you are not speaking in the listener’s first language).
Open up a dialogue
I have learned that asking questions is so powerful. As the Dalai Lama said, “when you talk you are only repeating what you already know, but when you listen you may learn something new.” It can help, especially in a one-on-one conversation, to ask a question up front to get the receiver’s perspective on the subject, and to help set a tone that is open to dialogue (asking a question only after asserting your opinion can make it seem like your position is already fixed). Being more open and asking questions can help you connect, and show that you care about someone’s views, which may also help people be more receptive to yours. However, despite being open to listen, one must still be resolute. Once the company has already decided to close the branch, for example, listening won’t change that fact. You have to prepare your message and stick to it. If anything comes up that you are not ready for, just take note of the question and plan to get back to the person in a couple of days.
Avoid defensiveness
It is easy for people to get defensive when they feel that things are going wrong and it might be their fault. That is a hostile spiral you don’t want to get into. Rather, identify the problems objectively when explaining what went wrong and how, without pointing fingers. When you want someone to focus on something positive, be specific, but when you want to draw less attention to a negative point, keep it general. Do not back people into a corner with antagonistic implications or unanswerable questions. If you do find that the recipient is becoming defensive, just let them express themselves and keep calm, breathe, and acknowledge that you hear their grievances, then get back on topic.
Give direction
Written communications always end with a “call to action,” so that people know what to do with the information they received, and the same strategy can be applied in verbal communication. After hearing bad news, people can often feel lost and disoriented, so it helps to give useful direction. Explain what will happen next: whether you are planning to ease the burden somehow, or if there is some action requiring their participation. Also, this is another opportunity to ask after their needs: what direction can they give you to alleviate their suffering? In the professional setting, it is useful to provide a contact number or make yourself available for another meeting to follow up on whatever cannot me resolved at that moment.
Respect yourself
Finally, give yourself a little credit (don't be so guilty). So many people avoid confrontation and never deliver the bad news when they really should, but just let the situation deteriorate further. I really admire my client for seeking out professional advice in order to deliver his bad news in the best possible way, to make it easier on his employees. I admire you too for getting to the end of this article, and I hope you find these tips useful!
If you have any ideas on this topic, please drop them in the comments below.
* The client’s name has been changed to protect his confidentiality.
Together we wrote a speech, along with a collection of useful messages for Q&A and a public notice, and we discussed how staff and stakeholders could be approached to maximize respect and compassion, and to minimize vulnerability, defensiveness and hardship.
Ahmed agreed to let me share our strategy to deliver bad news:
Put yourself in the recipient's position
Before planning what you are going to say, it is important to recognize the hardship you are inflicting, to be truly empathetic. This consideration led us, for example, to speak to managers in private before addressing the rest of the staff, because managers had more to lose, and would appreciate being more informed, respected and less vulnerable when their subordinates found out and came to them for answers. We also thought about what all the recipients’ most likely concerns would be, and made sure to prepare for them by organizing severance packages and shutdown procedures.
Set the right tone
When it comes time to speak up, make sure to set a softer tone that is calm, clear, honest, open and compassionate. Acknowledge that the situation must be hard for the receiver, and create a safe space for them to react naturally. Before communicating, it helps to first settle your mind through whatever activity brings you peace (listening to music, sports, exercise, etc.). Then remember to take a couple of deep breaths throughout the process, whenever things get heated, to encourage your own listening and patience, and reduce your hostility or nerves. I was lucky to find out that Ahmed had recently learned how to meditate, so I suggested that he practice meditation for half an hour before delivering the bad news.
Address the matter head on
People appreciate when you don’t beat around the bush, so you’re going to have to be direct. Tell the person what you need to tell them, straight. Then provide some context to answer any questions they are likely to have bouncing around their head, like: why? And what next? During Ahmed’s speech, I recommended that he pause before and after the most important parts, in order to give the audience time to digest the information (this is particularly important when you are not speaking in the listener’s first language).
Open up a dialogue
I have learned that asking questions is so powerful. As the Dalai Lama said, “when you talk you are only repeating what you already know, but when you listen you may learn something new.” It can help, especially in a one-on-one conversation, to ask a question up front to get the receiver’s perspective on the subject, and to help set a tone that is open to dialogue (asking a question only after asserting your opinion can make it seem like your position is already fixed). Being more open and asking questions can help you connect, and show that you care about someone’s views, which may also help people be more receptive to yours. However, despite being open to listen, one must still be resolute. Once the company has already decided to close the branch, for example, listening won’t change that fact. You have to prepare your message and stick to it. If anything comes up that you are not ready for, just take note of the question and plan to get back to the person in a couple of days.
Avoid defensiveness
It is easy for people to get defensive when they feel that things are going wrong and it might be their fault. That is a hostile spiral you don’t want to get into. Rather, identify the problems objectively when explaining what went wrong and how, without pointing fingers. When you want someone to focus on something positive, be specific, but when you want to draw less attention to a negative point, keep it general. Do not back people into a corner with antagonistic implications or unanswerable questions. If you do find that the recipient is becoming defensive, just let them express themselves and keep calm, breathe, and acknowledge that you hear their grievances, then get back on topic.
Give direction
Written communications always end with a “call to action,” so that people know what to do with the information they received, and the same strategy can be applied in verbal communication. After hearing bad news, people can often feel lost and disoriented, so it helps to give useful direction. Explain what will happen next: whether you are planning to ease the burden somehow, or if there is some action requiring their participation. Also, this is another opportunity to ask after their needs: what direction can they give you to alleviate their suffering? In the professional setting, it is useful to provide a contact number or make yourself available for another meeting to follow up on whatever cannot me resolved at that moment.
Respect yourself
Finally, give yourself a little credit (don't be so guilty). So many people avoid confrontation and never deliver the bad news when they really should, but just let the situation deteriorate further. I really admire my client for seeking out professional advice in order to deliver his bad news in the best possible way, to make it easier on his employees. I admire you too for getting to the end of this article, and I hope you find these tips useful!
If you have any ideas on this topic, please drop them in the comments below.
* The client’s name has been changed to protect his confidentiality.
